Supporting VNSNY’s Heroic Hospice Workers Through Our Common Grief

For R. Benyamin Cirlin, a former VNSNY Hospice Social Work Manager and now Coordinator of the Hospice Social Work Student Intern Program, heroism is something he sees in his hospice teammates every day. “The heroes in my mind are those social workers, nurses, and spiritual care counselors who are out in the field, working with and listening to people struggling day in and day out,” says Ben. “They may be feeling anxious and vulnerable themselves, but nonetheless they continue to serve people in need. That’s a lot to hold. My job is to honor and support those frontline workers, and to let them know they are not alone.”

Ben and several colleagues are now offering regular online sessions for hospice team members in each borough, so that their co-workers can express their feelings in a confidential, safe and nonjudgmental space. “In a time of social distancing, what we need is emotional nearing,” Ben says. “We all need to connect to people. We need to be acknowledged, heard and understood. When that happens, there’s tremendous solace.”

In these weekly online sessions, Ben has a humble goal: “Most of us are experiencing waves of grief, sadness and fear. If we can, we have to stop ourselves, close our eyes, and say to ourselves, ‘In this moment, I am safe.’ It’s the only thing any of us has. If we can connect to that safety—even for for 30 or 60 seconds—there’s an inner relaxing of our systems.”

No one knows better than hospice professionals, he adds, that when there is no cure on the horizon, it is incumbent upon those who are caring and bearing witness to bring comfort. “Right now, we are all coping with a deep loss of so much of what we have known to be normal,” he says. “This kind of loss engenders grief, which can show up physically, psychologically, socially, spiritually. The nation is being felled by a tsunami of grief.”

VNSNY Hospice’s spiritual care counselors (SCCs), who are devoted to helping people find meaning and peace at the end of life, are also holding weekly gatherings online to support each other through troubled times—for their own strength and so they can continue to be a resource for others. “Our SCCs are feeling stressed and overwhelmed just like the other disciplines,” says Kei Okada, Program Manager, End-of-Life Spiritual Care. “In this time of uncertainty, the SCCs are focusing on sharing experiences and exploring ideas regarding how to support our hospice care staff and how to practice self-care. They are united in mutual care and compassion, working together to be a reliable source of support for all staff.”

Bereavement Counselor Pamela Yew Schwartz held her first support session this week for the Manhattan hospice team. “It’s quite powerful, this coming together,” she says. “With this virus, there’s no control and there’s no end date. No one is on solid ground. But at least we can be together to witness, acknowledge, and let people know they are not alone.”

Ben puts the COVID-19 situation in terms of language that VNSNY staff members especially understand. “This kind of work is like dealing with chronic illness—you’re not going to cure it. The goal is to manage it. That’s where we are today. There’s a chronicity to what we’re going through.”

Ben’s first two groups had about 12 people each and, he believes, brought moments of connection. “Humanity is messy. These groups help people make room for that messiness,” he says. “We’re all human beings. My goal is to help people honor our own humanity.”

To view more Heroes of 2020 stories, click here.